Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
