that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
