you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
