i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
