he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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