so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
