I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
