I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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