I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
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Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."