Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?