You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
