Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.