Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.