Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
