So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
