what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
