When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
