The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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