yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
