She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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