you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
