Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
