Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
