Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
