he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
