Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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