I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize