Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
