Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
