Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
