I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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