I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so let's talk penis.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
