How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my poor anus
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did i just pee glitter
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
