Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were destined to go to rehab together
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
