remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
