pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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