This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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