the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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