i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
