I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
