there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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