We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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