I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
