i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
did i just pee glitter
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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