I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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