theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
