just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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