she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
