so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
