Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
