grandma shit on top of the toilet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You don't make any sense
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