So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
