dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
