I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
