Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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