The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I enjoy the company of your penis
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