my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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