It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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