I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
