Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
