the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
