the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
