One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
