He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
