i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
