just tell him i said nine months
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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